Concerns for our welfare

Santa was good this year. He brought family and friends to celebrate the winter and look forward to the new year. They brought their concerns for our welfare, and pretty much laid them out for all and sundry to mull over.

Smell. Claudie is quite concerned about dog odor increasing over time. She feels olfactory fatigue could well render us social outcasts. She went on Amazon looking for balls of charcoal that we can hang from the ceiling to reduce odor.

Handling the dogs. Carl feels that as the dogs are the size of ponies, we should get small saddles, bridles and monkeys to ride them like small jockeys. He says we could line the vixen with hamster-like tubing to give the monkeys a place to play and stay in as we travel. He insisted on engaging in advanced physics calculations for mass and volume to determine who would have more mass: 2 humans or three large dogs. Kevin did on the spot calculation for canine poundage of 115 plus 85 plus 95 for a total of 295 pounds. Then he was stumped by Princess Buttercup’s blanket obdurate refusal to reveal her poundage. So he fell back on the tried and true husband technique of flowing around the marital obstacle, simply estimating: the amounts are roughly equivalent.

Language deterioration. Claudie is concerned about us maintaining the ability to speak. She observes us crooning and chirping at our beloveds, and noted our language is becoming quite truncated. Overtime, she feels we could devolve (or perhaps evolve?) into simply barking and growling at each other.

Fur. Back to Carl. He feels we are at risk of Furrosis, related to Silicosis, where our lungs become full of airborne fur particulates and we become quite ill.

Fur. Again. More fears about proximal changes. If we live so long and close to the dogs, compressed together, so to speak, will we begin to fur out, growing nice pelts as the dogs shed theirs?